An insight into the hardship of widows in Oda
The early evening in Oda is the best time of day. By half past four the sun has gone behind the hill to the west and the sky turns pink and orange. Any clouds in the sky begin to resemble candy floss. The highest hills in the distance glimmer as the bright orange sunlight still shines on the peaks. The temperature begins to drop, and a peacefulness falls over the village as people return to their homes from working on their land all day. It’s idyllic. This is also the time of the day I spend with the women we employ. I head to the kitchen from the place I have been working for a cup of tea. As I walk towards the kitchen the scent of sweet tea is fragrant and I find Syanikanchi Didi crushing the lemon grass she picked fresh a moment ago into a pot that is boiling on the small gas stove.
Recently conversations with the women kept flowing to the same topic ‘Lucy, kahile bibah garne?’ (When will you get married?) I am often asked. ‘ma bibah na garne’ (I will not marry) is always my response. The first time I gave my opinion on the matter of marriage, I was anxious about how they would respond. I knew that my opinion goes against the cultural norms here, and still does to some extent at home in the UK. I’m careful of the way I portray myself. My views are already so different to those of the community. Then they responded ‘ramro’ (nice). I was surprised. I knew many of the women in the organisation wished to have married at different times in their life, but I didn’t expect them to agree with the idea of never marrying. I decided to open up more.
One evening I told them my own mum’s story of divorcing my dad when I was young and making the decision to raise us as a single mum, until re-marrying several years later. Despite knowing she would face many challenges as a single mum, she still had the autonomy to make the decision to leave a marriage she knew was not good. As I told this story, the women’s eyes widened and were astounded. ‘kasto ramro chha’ (how very nice) said Purna Didi. I was surprised. Again, all that I thought I knew about the culture surrounding marriage in Oda was being questioned.
Most of the women of the organisation came to work for us after falling into precarious positions in life of being widowed or abandoned by their husbands. This is a huge problem for women in Nepal, especially in these rural communities. Marriage commonly occurs very young in this region. Child marriage is ‘fundamentally intertwine with the structural inequalities of poverty, caste, class, gender norms, discrimination, lack of parental guidance, violence and abuse’ (Women’s Rehabilitation Centre, 2020). This is reflected within the women employed at the Oda Foundation, all women were involved in child marriage, including one woman who was married and pregnant by the time she was just 14 years old, and later widowed before she was even 20, left to raise two small girls on her own.
Widows and single women in Nepal
In both regular and casual labour markets, women struggle to find employment significantly more than men in Nepal. Furthermore, women who are uneducated and live in rural areas face several more barriers in finding employment. Women are also paid significantly less than their male counterparts (Yamamoto et al., 2019). Karan (co-founder and chairman of The Oda Foundation) told me about the difficulties his family faced after his dad had died, due to his father being the only source of financial income.
The word widow is derived from the Sanskrit word ‘vidhuwa’ meaning destitute and lonely. At a time when women are widowed, they not only have the bereavement of the loss of their husband, but they also often find themselves becoming outcasts of the community. Some communities enforce strict rules upon widows.
History of discrimination against widows
Widows have faced a history of discrimination, starting with the enforcement of Sati in 4th century until it was outlawed in 1920. Sati was the tradition of widows killing themselves by burning on their husband’s funeral pyre. Sati was initially to be practised by ‘willing’ wives, however as it became more influential in society many women were forced to practise this, as the social pressure was immensely high (Das, 2017).
Following the outlaw of sati, many women would only wear white Saris. White is the colour of mourning in Nepal. Many widows were thought to be inauspicious and blamed for their husbands’ deaths. These views would marginalise widows, making them outcasts of their community and prevent them from engaging in community events such as weddings and religious ceremonies. By enforcing widows wear white Saris they are known to all that they are ‘a woman without a man’, making their situation even more dangerous. Over time, this practice has relaxed, however many widows still practise not wearing red.
Women’s identities and the way they perceive themselves changes in the transition between single woman to wife to widow. It is very clear in Nepal to know when a woman is married. Many women have a middle parting in their hair, to which they then apply a red powder (sindooram). Married women will often wear a red bhindi between their eyebrows, compared to unmarried girls who wear a black one. In many regions of Nepal, the colour red also extends to married women’s clothing and is the traditional colour a bride will wear at her wedding. This all changes again when women are widowed or separated from their husbands, as these women stop wearing red (WHR, 2010).
How are we supporting?
Although laws protecting widows’ rights are in place within Nepal and have been for two decades, widows are still having to fight for their rights. A high rate of illiteracy means that many women are unaware of their rights. Furthermore, those who are aware of their rights may not be able to enforce them. Changes in law are the first step towards ending discrimination, education and a change of ideology of how widows are viewed within society must also occur.
The Oda Foundation is currently supporting 5 single and widowed women. Through employment, the women can have a consistent and steady income, an opportunity that is few and far between in rural areas. Furthermore, women are given support to open bank accounts and become financially independent. Their children are supported, and all women have a place to stay on our campus. The woman I mentioned who was married at 14 now has her own 14-year-old daughter, unlike her mother she can read and write, and has the potential to become a future leader for the community. Without her mother’s job, she too could have fallen into child marriage and other cycles of poverty.
Our holistic approach at delivering the basic needs of health, education and livelihood means that issues such as child marriage are also indirectly affected in a positive manner. This is an incredible achievement, but we also recognize that it is not nearly enough.
To see a big change occurring in the community, we work for and hope for an intrinsic change in ideology. One way this continues to take place is via the Oda Foundation Youth Program. Rather than only empowering women, the Youth Program empowers youth to work together, giving young people the capacity to create change in their own community. We create safe spaces for youth to speak openly, debate, and learn alongside each other about their views without judgement. As our ongoing Youth Program Coordinator, I’m excited to be part of these critical changes here and to ensure that they remain sustainable and agile, long-term!
References
Das, B. (2017) ‘Sati Custom in Nepal: A Historical Perspective’, Academic Voices: A Multidisciplinary Journal, 7, pp.1-7. Available at: https://www.nepjol.info/index.php/AV/article/view/21359
Women’s Rehabilitation Centre (2020) Redefining the early and child marriage and reconsidering its elimination in Nepal Through absolute criminalization. Nepal: Women’s Rehabilitation Centre (WOREC). Available at https://www.worecnepal.org/uploads/publication/document/2133142066REDEFINING%20THE%20EARLY%20AND%20CHILD%20MARRIAGE.pdf
Yadav, P. (2016) ‘White sari—Transforming widowhood in Nepal’, Gender, Technology and Development, 20(1), pp.1-24. Available at: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0971852415618748?needAccess=true
Yamamoto, Y. et al (2019) ‘Gender-based differences in employment opportunities and wage distribution in Nepal’, Journal of Asian Economics, 64, p.101131.
WHR, (2010) ‘A Journey towards empowerment and the status of single women in Nepal’. Baluwatar, Kathmandu: WHR.